My precious 3 year old has recently developed a very independent spirit. He likes to do everything on his own with no assistance from anyone. When we are in a parking lot or crowded place I have to strongly remind him that he has to hold onto my hand tightly. Whereas, his preferred method is to give me one or two fingers, I feel no security in such a light grasp. I want his whole hand-the security of knowing that he is safe and that his hand is firmly in mine.
My son's new independence makes me think a lot about my own relationship with God. I often only give God a part of my hand, one finger even, just placing barely enough trust in Him to get by. My heart holds so many fears, worries, sorrow, and questions. But instead of placing these hurts in God's hands, I internalize them, telling myself that God has bigger and more important problems to fix, needs to be met, and hearts to be healed. Among my family and friends I do the same thing. Because the sad truth is, people don't like to listen to you talk about pain, death, or heartache. They want you to get over it quickly, move on, find a hobby to distract you, whatever it takes to deflect the problem. And, to be perfectly honest with you, I am great at deflection! I am the queen of multi-tasking, and will clean my house till it shines and bake enough goodies to feed an army if it means that I don't have to talk, think, or admit to my sorrow and fears.
This year, however, I want to start trusting more-not in people-but, in God who can be trusted with everything in my heart. I want to give God my whole hand, not just one finger. I want to experience the peace, strength, and joy that only His tight Grasp can bring. Because, the God that I serve is so BIG that He can handle my "problems", "fears", "worries" while He also deals with bigger issues like poverty, violence, and disease. I need God's steady presence, His reassurance, His touch because that is the only way I can really live a life of joy and freedom.
So, I am comitting to continually placing the image in my mind of myself and Jesus holding hands tightly, walking through everyday together. I want to spend to every morning at His feet, reading His Word, and extending my whole Hand to Him.
On January 1st, I committed to myself to read one Psalm and one Proverb every morning this year before I do anything else to start my days. I am sharing this with you, my friends, so you will encourage me and hold me accountable. I need the presence of Jesus with every breathe that I take, but I know by experience that this is not possible unless I devote time to building my relationship with Him. So, pray for me please. I am calling 2010 my "Whole Hand, Whole Heart" Year. I want to trust God completely with GREAT EXPECTATIONS of the peace, healing, and love that He will pour over me.
Big Daddy Weave's Song, "Everytime I Breathe" is the ringtone on my phone. I love the fresh reminder that God is as near to me as the breathe that I take.
P.S. I shared this post on Heart to Heart with Holley." http://blog.dayspring.com/pray-share/