"The Lord's loved ones are precious to him; it grieves him when they die." Psalm 116:15
Two years ago today, our sweet baby girl began dancing with Jesus in heaven. I cannot believe that two years have passed since I held her in my arms. Maybe that is because I carry her in my heart every second of every day. People often told me after she died that the pain would go away. I disagree. The ache is still there and I don't think it will ever be absent from my heart. The pain may express itself in less evident ways on certain days than others, but the pain is still there. I loved my daughter deeply and I always will. I love the idea that grief is an expression of love. You wouldn't grieve if you didn't love.
Today, my mind is filled with so much Gratitude.
Gratitude that God chose me to be Savannah's Mom.
Gratitude that Savannah's life revealed His Glory and Majesty.
Psalm 111: 3-4
"Everything he does reveals his glory and majesty, His righteousness never fails. Who can forget the wonders he performs? How gracious and merciful is our Lord!"
During my pregnancy, many people told me that Savannah taught them so much about complete faith, surrendering to God, praying without ceasing, and loving more fully. I, myself, never fully grasped the depths of God's love for me until He used Savannah's life and my deep love for her to show me how He loves me on an even deeper level and with a passionate father/daughter agape!
I am currently doing a Women's Bible Study at my church on Revelation by Beth Moore. I am amazed at how God is using the book of Revelation (which I was always afraid to read because it seemed to hard to understand) to speak to my heart two years after Savannah's death and continue the healing process in my spirit. Just yesterday in class, Beth spoke on Revelation 11 regarding the two witnesses who would come to testify about Christ in the end times. She dwelt on verse 7 which says, "When they complete their testimony...the beast will conquer them and kill them." She stressed that no one, no child of God, will be taken from this earth a moment before they have served their purpose, completed their work, finished their race in this world. Each of us has a specific God-Given Purpose. This revelation touched my heart because it made me realize that Savannah served her purpose. She made the heart of God so very happy. She finished her race, she fought her fight. She taught so many people how to love deeper. She taught me how to trust God more completely. She taught me that God will never leave me or forsake me even when my world is falling apart, when my daughter is sick and dies, when my heart aches so much it feels like it will break. She taught me that God never left my side, dancing over me in love, even when I could not utter a prayer for a month after she died. My beautiful daughter, Savannah, served her purpose by drawing me into a deeper, richer, relationship with God, a relationship where I have learned to surrender all.
Earlier this October, I had days where I would find myself crying for no apparent reason. It was almost as if my heart was crying out for my baby girl without my even thinking about it. The tears would just pour down my face. It was during this time, that Beth Moore was covering Revelation 7, and she reiterated that our grief and tears and sufferings are only temporary. Revelation 7:17 says, "For the Lamb who stands in front of the throne will be their Shepherd. He will lead them to the springs of life-giving water. And God will wipe away all their tears." ALL.THEIR.TEARS!!!! My longing for Heaven continues to grow as I study God's word regarding our eternal worshipping and "being" with Jesus. I will have no reason to grieve. Savannah now has no reason to grieve. She has no pain. She has no abnormality. She is whole. Beautiful. Rejoicing. Laughing. Playing. Loving. Now, that is what brings me peace today in the midst of my sorrow that I do not have a two year old brown-haired, blue-eyed girl running around chasing her big brother. Rather, she gets to run around Heaven, chasing Jesus, singing Praises, laughing as Butterflies tickle her nose. Heaven is a very real place, my dear friends. God longs for you to spend eternity with Him! If you haven't made the choice to accept Him into your heart, to receive His vast love for you, then please consider it now. He longs to be in a relationship with you. He adores you. As high as the heavens are from the earth, so great is His love for you! If you have any questions about His Amazing Love, then email me. I would love to share with you about the God who truly does make something Beautiful out of our pain and sorrow. My prayer for you is that:
"For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."
On her birthday today, I wanted to share with you all Savannah's Celebration Service Video: