God has been teaching me lately to be patient and to trust Him even when He is Silent. And, to be honest with you, I don't like the lesson very much. I much prefer, and I find it so much easier, to trust Him when He speaks clearly to me, when His ways are evident, and when all is right in my world. To explain myself better, I would like to share a story with you....
Almost two years ago (August 2008), on the day we discoverd that our daughter, Savannah, had a fatal chromosome disorder called Triploidy, a dear friend of mine had been praying for us. She was praying for Savannah and I when she clearly heard God tell her, “I am So Big; I created the Universe: I make All Things New.” My friend felt that God was sharing this with her so she could share it with me. She also felt that the song “All Things New” by Steven Curtis Chapman was meant to be shared with us as well. There is a line in Steven Curtis Chapman’s song that says, “You take every living thing, and you breathe your breath of life into it over and over again.” From the moment she told me this, Darin and I tried to figure out what God meant. Did He mean that because He is Great and is the Creator that He could heal our Savannah completely resulting in a happy life with our precious baby? Or did He mean that He woulde make All Things New after we walked this journey of sorrow and loss and He gave our Savannah a perfect body in Heaven? Or did it mean He will heal us emotionally and spiritually resulting in a new, closer walk with Him? At the time, we had no idea what God was trying to tell us.
God did heal our precious baby girl, giving her a perfect body and a joyful life by His side in Heaven. And, He has been healing our hearts and drawing us closer in relationship to Him while we walk this journey of grief and loss. But, we still don't know what exactly what He meant when He said that "He Makes All Things New." Several people have suggested to us throughout the past two years that perhaps it meant that God would bless us with another healthy baby girl. And, what a blessing that would be! It is the deep desire of our hearts to have more children, and we have been waiting and trusting God for that to happen. But, lately, I have been overwhelmed with doubt and anxiety that that will happen. And I find myself just utterly frustrated that the one child that was conceived "so quickly" "so easily" was taken from us so quickly. So, for two years now, God has been silent. As we seek Him for another baby, as we search Him for the reason why Savannah died, we have heard nothing, except, "Trust Me."
Fast Forward to last week when His silence ended, and my Faith was renewed, and I realized that I don't always trust Him when He is Silent. It was a hard lesson to learn that my faith had been dependent on hearing from Him and on "feeling" something. Last week, I was at my Bible Study for the Women's Leadership Team at Church. At the conclusion of our lesson, our leader asked for prayer requests. I am a very private person and was hesitant to share what was really on my heart. At the last minute, I did. I shared that we were trying to conceive again and that I was fearful and anxious and was having a hard time trusting God. Our amazing Bible Study leader, began praying for all of the ladies, and she prayed for me and thanked God for "making all things new" in my life. When she said those words tears began falling from my eyes. You see, the woman who prayed for me had never heard the story about the direct word from God two years ago when God spoke the same words. When my leader stopped praying, she said, "Christina, when I was praying for you to have another baby, it was as if I audibly heard God tell me, 'Behold, I make all things new'" Of course, I began crying uncontrollably. God used the same words twice to remind me that He does see me, He does hear me, and He knows the desire of my heart. He was silent for two years and spoke the same words to my heart to remind me that I can trust Him-when He is silent and when He speaks. He will make ALL THINGS NEW in our lives and I am choosing to believe Him for that!
I came home that night and shared the story with my husband. He was as overwhelmed as I was and so thankful for God's Word to us. The following morning, Darin shared with me the devotional that He read that morning from his "Our Daily Bread" book. The title was "Silence and Trust" and the main point was that we need to trust our loving Father even when He is silent. This was further confirmation that God is trustworthy and that when He is silent, we must focus on the things we know about His character-that He does not change, that He is love, and that His promises are true. Oswald Chambers said, "Has God trusted you with silence-a silence that is big with meaning? His silence is the sign that He is bringing you into a marvellous understanding of Himself...If God has given you a silence, praise Him, He is bringing you into the great run of His purposes."
Psalm 9:10 "Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you."
Psalm 28:7 "The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song"
Psalm 13:5 "But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation."
Almost two years ago (August 2008), on the day we discoverd that our daughter, Savannah, had a fatal chromosome disorder called Triploidy, a dear friend of mine had been praying for us. She was praying for Savannah and I when she clearly heard God tell her, “I am So Big; I created the Universe: I make All Things New.” My friend felt that God was sharing this with her so she could share it with me. She also felt that the song “All Things New” by Steven Curtis Chapman was meant to be shared with us as well. There is a line in Steven Curtis Chapman’s song that says, “You take every living thing, and you breathe your breath of life into it over and over again.” From the moment she told me this, Darin and I tried to figure out what God meant. Did He mean that because He is Great and is the Creator that He could heal our Savannah completely resulting in a happy life with our precious baby? Or did He mean that He woulde make All Things New after we walked this journey of sorrow and loss and He gave our Savannah a perfect body in Heaven? Or did it mean He will heal us emotionally and spiritually resulting in a new, closer walk with Him? At the time, we had no idea what God was trying to tell us.
God did heal our precious baby girl, giving her a perfect body and a joyful life by His side in Heaven. And, He has been healing our hearts and drawing us closer in relationship to Him while we walk this journey of grief and loss. But, we still don't know what exactly what He meant when He said that "He Makes All Things New." Several people have suggested to us throughout the past two years that perhaps it meant that God would bless us with another healthy baby girl. And, what a blessing that would be! It is the deep desire of our hearts to have more children, and we have been waiting and trusting God for that to happen. But, lately, I have been overwhelmed with doubt and anxiety that that will happen. And I find myself just utterly frustrated that the one child that was conceived "so quickly" "so easily" was taken from us so quickly. So, for two years now, God has been silent. As we seek Him for another baby, as we search Him for the reason why Savannah died, we have heard nothing, except, "Trust Me."
Fast Forward to last week when His silence ended, and my Faith was renewed, and I realized that I don't always trust Him when He is Silent. It was a hard lesson to learn that my faith had been dependent on hearing from Him and on "feeling" something. Last week, I was at my Bible Study for the Women's Leadership Team at Church. At the conclusion of our lesson, our leader asked for prayer requests. I am a very private person and was hesitant to share what was really on my heart. At the last minute, I did. I shared that we were trying to conceive again and that I was fearful and anxious and was having a hard time trusting God. Our amazing Bible Study leader, began praying for all of the ladies, and she prayed for me and thanked God for "making all things new" in my life. When she said those words tears began falling from my eyes. You see, the woman who prayed for me had never heard the story about the direct word from God two years ago when God spoke the same words. When my leader stopped praying, she said, "Christina, when I was praying for you to have another baby, it was as if I audibly heard God tell me, 'Behold, I make all things new'" Of course, I began crying uncontrollably. God used the same words twice to remind me that He does see me, He does hear me, and He knows the desire of my heart. He was silent for two years and spoke the same words to my heart to remind me that I can trust Him-when He is silent and when He speaks. He will make ALL THINGS NEW in our lives and I am choosing to believe Him for that!
I came home that night and shared the story with my husband. He was as overwhelmed as I was and so thankful for God's Word to us. The following morning, Darin shared with me the devotional that He read that morning from his "Our Daily Bread" book. The title was "Silence and Trust" and the main point was that we need to trust our loving Father even when He is silent. This was further confirmation that God is trustworthy and that when He is silent, we must focus on the things we know about His character-that He does not change, that He is love, and that His promises are true. Oswald Chambers said, "Has God trusted you with silence-a silence that is big with meaning? His silence is the sign that He is bringing you into a marvellous understanding of Himself...If God has given you a silence, praise Him, He is bringing you into the great run of His purposes."
Psalm 9:10 "Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you."
Psalm 28:7 "The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song"
Psalm 13:5 "But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation."
ALL THINGS NEW LYRICS - STEVEN CURTIS CHAPMAN
You spoke and made the sun rise
To light up the very first day
You breathed across the water
And started the very first wave
It was you
You introduced your glory
To every living creature on earth
And they started singing
The first song to ever be heard
They sang for you
You make all things new
You make all things new
Then the world was broken
Fallen and battered and scarred
You took the hopeless
The life wasted, ruined and marred
And made it new
You make all things new
You make all things new
You redeem and You transform
You renew and You restore
You make all things new
You make all things new
And forever we will watch and worship You
You turn winter into spring
You take every living thing
And You breathe the breath of life into it
Over and over again
You made the sunrise
Day after day after day
But there’s a morning coming
When old things will all pass away
And everyone will see
You make all things new
You make all things new
Come redeem and come transform
Come renew and restore
You make all things new
You make all things new
And forever we will watch and worship You
Now and forever you are making all things new
You’re making all things new
You remain in my prayers. Always.
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