Love Whisperings & Savannah’s Smiles

I wrote the following journal entry in February of this year and posted it on our Caring Bridge site. I went back to it today when I was reminded of the love whisperings of God that I often ignore daily. This morning, as I took Jaythan to preschool I heard Christian Singer, Mandisa’s song, “God is Speaking”, on the radio. It reminded me that God is constantly trying to get our attention, trying to prove His love to us. We often get so caught up in our “busyness”, our pride, and our circumstances, that we ignore or miss His LOVE being whispered to us. When Darin and I see or feel God’s love, we call that a “Savannah Smile.” I encourage you to listen to this song and then read the entry I wrote months ago. And then, “Be Still” for just a moment and allow God to prove His Love for you. It may set you free from your burdens or just leave you breathless and overwhelmed with thankfulness. But, I know without a doubt that it will fill your heart with peace and warmth.

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I Saw God Today-
In Savannah’s Smiles!
(written in February 2009)

There is a popular country song right now on the radio called “I Saw God Today” by George Strait. The chorus of the song is below:
“I’ve been to church, I’ve read the bookI know he’s here but I don’t lookNear as often as I should ... yeah I know I shouldHis fingerprints are everywhereI just slowed down to stop and stareOpened my eyes and man I swearI saw God today..”
Thursday, I truly saw God in so many ways-in so many “Savannah Smiles.” February 5th, Thursday, was our Savannah’s due date. It was a bittersweet day, filled with love, laughter, tears, and heartache.

It was a beautiful day on Thursday-high 70s and sunny, and we had a wonderful day as a family honoring our baby girl and her due date. Darin did take off from work and we went to the graveside and took two balloons. We spent quite awhile there, and the time was very healing. One of the balloons was heart shaped, covered in roses and said "I Love You"-we tied it to her vases. The other balloon said Birthday Girl and was pink with butterflies, daisies, and ladybugs on it. I read her the letter that I wrote her expressing our love for her, and then we released the balloon. Jaythan was so well behaved the whole time-he just wanted to sit in my lap by the grave and talk about the "futterflies" on the tombstone. It was almost as if he knew we were honoring/loving his baby sister. We took pictures, and I will include them on the website very soon. My heart was overwhelmed with love for my daughter and the deep yearning to have her here with us; yet at the same time it makes me smile to think of how happy she must be with Jesus. Happy and Safe! How I just wish that I could have looked in her open eyes for even a second so she could see how deeply I loved her. I just pray that she knows. I can't wait to meet her with open arms in heaven one day.

Throughout the day, I saw God in so many Savannah Smiles. First of all, the weather was perfect. A perfect day for chasing butterflies in heaven through fields of daisies as I imagine Savannah doing. God was evident through Jaythan as well, and our dear son provided us with many “Savannah Smiles.” He was so loving yesterday especially toward Mommy, and was very generous with hugs, kisses, and laughter. He wanted to be as near to me as possible-warming my heart tremendously. At one point last night, after about 6 really big hugs, I had the distinct feeling that God was wrapping His arms around me reminding me that He still very much loves me. To steal a line from the book, “The Shack” it was as if God was saying to me throughout the day, "My, my, my how I love you!" So, I saw God in the beautiful sunshine, in the flowers surrounding the cemetery, in Jaythan’s laughter, and in the smiles, hugs, and kisses from our precious son. I also saw God’s compassion in the compassion displayed in the many messages and phone calls from friends and loved ones who were praying for us throughout the day. God’s compassionate heart was seen through Jaythan as well. While at the cemetery, two other mothers came to visit their child who had died. These women did not speak English so I could not fully express my sorrow and sympathy to them except through a hug. As we watched and heard these women pouring out their hearts with tears streaming down their faces in grief, our dear son, stood by them saying, “Uh, oh, crying! A hug??” He patted one lady on the arm and reached for her in a hug. It was as if Jesus was squatting beside the graves and reaching out to all of us hurting mothers and saying, “I see your tears. I am so sorry. I am crying with you. I love you and I want to comfort you. Come rest in my arms-let me carry your burden for you.” I was overcome. Since I first learned that I was pregnant with a son, I began praying that he would be compassionate and loving, and my prayers have been answered multiplied by a million. He is the most loving child, and he is already showing us the compassion of Christ.

So, looking back on a day filled with sadness and joy, I thank God for His presence; but mostly, I thank Him for showing me His love on a day when my heart hurt so deeply over the loss of one of my greatest loves-my baby girl. It is my prayer that you too can stop, look, and listen and “see God today”. It may just be Savannah smiling down on you too!

"Blessed is sorrow, for it reveals God's comfort." ~ Henry Clay Trumbell